NEED SOME HELP FOR A CHANGE By Alleyoop (Read 1,244 times)

[Bashan]

Back in the 70's a friend of mine decided we should drive to Chicago. We didn't need a helluva lot of rational thought to do something back then. It was January and colder than a witch's bean bag in Toledo but we didn't think it could be any colder in Chicago. Ah ha...ha ha...ha ha ah....HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Foolish Earthlings! I'm lucky I came back alive!

We tried walking around the loop and had to walk at 45 degrees to keep from falling backwards in the wind! We had heavy winter coats for Toledo but I might as well have worn a wet T Shirt. Twenty degrees in Chicago has the same molecular motion as just above absolute zero in the rest of the universe. We were approached by innumerable "people" asking for money in one way or another. The odd thing was, they didn't seem affected by the wind! They stood upright swaying slightly while we were nearly horizontal, they were aliens in Chicago. The cold didn't affect them as they quite articulately asked for money while casually picking our pockets. We helplessly flailed our finger tips trying to stop them as that was the only body parts still moving in the Ort cloud temps.

Frozen and robbed we inched along like frozen worms to a pizza place to try and get our body temperatures above 16 F. As we laid on the floor shivering and pathetic, the shop owner looked at us and said "ya gonna order or get the hell outta here!?" He rolled us out the door and gravity carried us to Lake Michigan where all molecular motion truly stops. It is the coldest point in all dimensions of every temporal phase of every universe in existence. Water frozen in Lake Michigan turns into another substance. Why do you think the atomic bomb had it's roots in Chicago? THAT'S RIGHT! Lake Michigan ice is so cold it absorbs ALL radiation. There, I said it.

The wind blew us along the shore as ice fisherman, somehow impervious to the Neptune like temperatures (aliens), poured beer on us and said derisive comments that were unintelligible due to their astoundingly nasal twang. The accent twang is so heavy in Chicago it's used in industrial applications. Luckily we had parked on the shore. A couple bums stripped us of the rest of our possessions and threw us on our car exposed to the elements. A couple cops happened by and said " ya gonna get the hell outta here or what?!" and whacked us with their night sticks. That got us moving enough to drive back to Toledo and get the hell out of the COLDEST FREAKING SPOT ON THE PLANET! Alley is an alien too. Rich

[Alleyoop]

Yea the winds downtown are the worst because it comes down the side of the buildings and either stops you from entering the building or blows your arse across the street when you come out(HAHA).

I started my working career at TIME INC. downtown two blocks off Michigan Ave on Ohio street and the parking lot was right across the street.Many times you were PARALLEL trying to get into the building And coming out for lunch or going home it would blow your butt across the street many actually got knocked on their butts(HAHA).
Alleyoop

[richardv]

Apr 28, 2014 11:45:40 GMT -6 Alleyoop said:

Yep, JIM from Rapid Repair lives in a little town up north west near MIN, its name is MILLTOWN pop of 800.
Alleyoop

Milltown is a 5 hour drive to the northwest and two tanks of gas in the truck, each way. I don't think we will be meeting anytime soon.

[Alleyoop]

You can make it, its really only 3 1/2 hours away 231 miles give or take 5 miles.
Alleyoop

[kalee]

Load up your bike an come on down to the valley
kalee

[jvino]

I am sorry to hear you have bad weather in Illinois. Hope it gets better for you and other people to get out and ride. It's been raining here in Pittsburgh so I haven't got out much my self. I sure get some looks and people yelling when they see my fishing set up strapped to my scooter. o well at least the scooter gets me a couple miles down river for cheap.