Horribly punny By Guitarman (Read 1,065 times)

[JR]

Definition of mixed emotion: Watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in "your" brand new Cadillac.

[Guitarman]

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

[Guitarman]

Imagine this is a scooter list.

Squawk list
"Squawks" are problems noted by pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P) is the problem found by the pilot, (S) is the solution to the problem by the maintenance crew:

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
(S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

(P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) # 2 propeller seepage normal -- # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.

(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problems on ground.

(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for.

(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right," and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

[cyborg]

I drive whenever I can