Joke thread! By Bashan (Read 519 times)

[Bashan]

Let's start another joke thread. The other one was a huge success until we got busted by Proboards. So let's keep this one a little cleaner. I'll start us off.

Maude is talking to her doctor at the state mental institution and the doctor says "that was a fantastic thing that you did jumping in the pool to save Lester when he walked into the swimming pool. That showed great compassion and sacrifice therefore we are releasing you as cured. Unfortunately Lester was found hung in his closet by his tie". Maude says "oh that was me too! I hung him out to dry!"

[cyborg]

A guy walks into the dahli llahmas pizza parlor and says " make me one with everything"

[Alleyoop]

[Alleyoop]

THE WILL

A man is nearing the end of his life and he calls his nurse,
his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, to his bedside.

He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in
place to record his last wishes, and when all
is ready he begins to speak:


"My son Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair
houses."


"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over
in the east end."


"My son Jamie, I want you to take the offices
over in the City Center."


"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the
residential buildings on the banks of the river."


The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not
realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips
away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must
have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated
all this property".


Sarah replies, "Property ?....He has a paper
route!"

[jct842]

A biker gang were riding south on the highway when they saw a girl about to jump off the Bridge.

George, their leader, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the cops who were trying to talk her down, and says,

“Hey Baby! Whatcha doin’up there on that railin?”

She says tearfully, “Ï’m going to commit suicide!!”

While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive,” George didn’t want to miss this hero opportunity either so he asked, “Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, why don’t you give ole George here your best last kiss?”

So, without hesitation she leaned back over the railing and did just that. It was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the police and then says,

“Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting, sugar! You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl”.

It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

[Bashan]

Well...so far....

A hooker goes on a fishing trip with six dudes and comes back with a big red snapper.