Just need to vent!!! By genseeker (Read 1,917 times)

[genseeker]

I am so pissed at my so called friends right now. Anytime someone I know asks me to help with anything, I help. I've loaned people money when I really couldn't afford to do it. Almost had my power cut off before because I loaned people money to buy groc and stuff. But when I need help, it's a fight to get a damn thing from anyone.

Example, last year I spent almost 10 hrs working on a guys car. Had to replace both valve covers, rear drum brakes w/ all new hardware, and some other stuff. He asked what he owed me & I told him $75. Still haven't seen a penny. Asked him a couple days ago if he could take me less than 10 miles round trip to Lowes Hardware to buy a storage shed. Never even bothered to answer me but tonight, he asked my son to help him with something. Now this kid is my son's friend, not mine but I used to think he was pretty nice.

Last year sold a vehicle to my own brother, he traded it without telling me and he still owes almost $400. He had to move in Feb cause the place he was living got sold, he didn't have the money for a storage unit so I loaned him the $$ and the deal was he would repay me as soon as his or his wife's taxes came in. Still haven't seen a penny so right now he owes me close to $500. But I can't get him to return any phone calls or even text. I will say that he has been told he has cancer & he's filed for disability but he manages to call everyone else, just not me. Only reason I can think of is because he knows he owes me money.

While I was without a scooter if I needed to go into town I had to walk 4 miles each way, takes me literally 2 hrs. That was to get to a store where I could catch a local stops-places-around-town shuttle. Heaven forbid I ask family to give me a ride, my sister always wanted at least $15 for gas money & I know it didn't cost her that much. Going to the groc store I'd end up spending more money because we have a small one about a mile away. I'd walk there, alone, and carry back 25-30 lbs of groc in a backpack. Either of these walking trips would result in me being laid up in pain for 2-4 days afterwards. I have fibromyalgia, among other problems and I haven't been to the dr in months because I had no transportation so I have none of the meds I should be taking.

I am just so sick of my generous nature being taken advantage of like this. I was raised that you help people any way you can, but when I need a hand up, no one is around for me.

If I could tolerate my landlord more, I wouldn't mind staying here. But $400 for the trailer I rent and then having to listen to my landlord rant about gays, teens, and anything else she thinks is wrong with the world drives me nuts. My family laughed when I told them about tiny homes and how I want to buy an acre of land and convert an old rig trailer into a tiny home. Hell, it'd be almost as big as the trailer I rent now. And if the county says I can't do that, then I'll just build one, by myself a day at a time if I have to. All I want is a place to call mine, where I don't have to listen to opinions I don't agree with and where I can do what I want. I just want people t treat me with the same respect and give me the same consideration and help I give them. Is that really too much to ask for in life???

Sorry guys, but y'all seem to understand me better than the people around me. Y'all don't laugh at the idea of a 42 yr old woman on a scooter or tell me I'll kill myself riding it. And I bet y'all won't laugh at the idea of the same woman writing fan stories for Marvel movies either. My so-called family laughs at me for both of these things. 

[cyborg]

I had the "soft in the heart or head " I never did figure it out,,, probably both,,, I learned to say NO!!! I'm what's called a manifester,,, I generate stuff ,, I take raw materials and create stuff ,, people took advantage of me left right amd center,,,, it is NO now and I don't give a flying f@&k if they like it or not

[adamhoyer]

I think tiny homes are a good investment if you are on a budget. Wonder if you can put solar panels on them and just suck up enough power for a all the appliances. Bet if you built your own with good planning you could make something awesome. But getting help from others will only get worse as most people are seeking their own desires and are losing care about others.

[Guitarman]

Many of us were taught growing up that you help others out when you can and family should always be there.

I was like you for years until one day I had it and started telling them all NO.
I had a brother spend time in jail and after that they all treated me MUCH better. I refused to bail him out. I wasn't the one to go drunk driving and smash up a bunch of cars. And I sure didn't pay for it either.

You have to learn to say NO and MEAN IT.

Nothing wrong with being a 42 year old woman on a scooter. I'm a 52 year old man and I ride one too. LOVE Marvel stuff waaaaaay better than DC.

[LUKE]

people like you are born generous and selfless, and they are the blessed ones. The good Lord will always provide for you in the most mysterious ways.. Seriously ,if you only live near me, we probably become buddies, i see the genuine-ness in your heart.
the people i really hate most in this world are the people who are nice to you because they only need something i try to avoid them, they're worse than a vulture.
i remember one guy on the other forum, it was christmas and he sent us thru mail 2 bottles of barbecue sauce as a xmas gift, he's a funny guy,he has a personality quite same as Shrek(ogre, if you watched that movie ), he plays poker and games on Facebook all night long, and very happy when he wins imaginary prize money, LOL.., he's nice enough to send us barbecue sauce, i really appreciate it. i wish i get a box of persimons from somebody next time..,...uhm aaaanyway!!!

just remember that God is fair, maybe now you're down,but tomorrow you're ok.

it's ok to be generous, but not too much,.. it pays to be a tight a$$ sometimes..

[jvino]

Yeah I agree with some of these guys and girls you have to get confitable with saying no. It takes some practice don't get me wrong helping people is a great thing to do. But getting burned and agraivated makes it not worth it. Who care what people think if you ride a scooter it's a free country and the others certainly don't own the road. You should be proud that you took the time to help others it can be rewarding don't let it get you down when you feel your getting taken advantage let them know how you feel because people cant read minds. Enjoy that scooter you save a lot of time going to the grocery store know and won't be in as much pain. God is great to those in need.

[genseeker]

Hey guitar, you should check out my stories, I have a small following on fanfiction.net. But the mature versions are posted on AO3. And no, that doesn't necessarily mean smut, I just clean up the language/violence/mature topics on fanfiction because it seems more kids read there. I remember the first comics I ever read were with my dad & we read Captain America. I understood even from a young age that they weren't real people but I respected what he stood for. My dad's father served in WWII & ended up with cancer as a result, he died when my dad was 10 so I never got to meet him. As I got older I found X-Men and Gambit is my fav. My stories incorporate any and all parts of the Marvel universe and may include alternate universe info as well. I like finding little known things in MU and using them in my stories. Writing for me is an escape, just like my huge collection of sci-fi/fantasy books. I haven't had cable since I left my ex in Oct 2008 and I honestly don't miss it. I have a massive DVD collection and I am looking forward to adding more MCU movies to it.

When I build my tiny house, I don't know if I will be able to produce all the power I need so I plan to get a kit that works with the local power company. It's called a tie-in system and it's far cheaper than a complete system. We get an average of 4 hrs of sunlight daily (avg over the yr) so in cold weather I might need the power company. However, I also plan to use a woodstove for heat, tankless water heater (actually 2) and instead of a traditional oven/stove I plan to get a convection microwave oven w/ rotisserie that will cook a 5 lb chicken or a 12" pizza. I also found these single burner cooktop things that only heat the space the pot actually covers. I can get the oven for under $125 and it will save a fortune. I'm already researching things and making a list so I can plan ahead. I seldom use a dryer, much prefer a clothesline but I would eventually replace my washer with a newer model cause it's over 10 yrs old. Right now I'm waiting for a reply from our local building inspectors as to whether or not I could use a refurbished road trailer as the frame for a home. I haven't seen anything in codes that say I can't but better safe than sorry. If I can then I have seen ads for a 48' trailer for $1300, not for road use any longer. Not a bad start and would save thousands on building.

I do say NO a lot more than I used to, but it still gets frustrating. I no longer loan ANYONE money. If they ask, I start going on about my income and expenses, that tends to shut them up quick. If people ask me to come help with something, I frequently say I have no way over there. But it hurts my feelings that I've helped people all my life for free and I have to bitch or beg to get help.

It bothers me that people don't care about people anymore. Sometimes I have to bitch just to get my son that lives with me to do things. Example, since we both use the dishes, I don't think it's right for me to cook and wash and put away everything. In his defense, he is learning to cook and he does help but a lot of the things we both enjoy, like meatloaf, he can't cook right yet. Anyway, we have a deal, one person washes & the other puts the dishes away. But even when the dishes are sitting in the drain, obviously dry, I have to make a point of saying I can't wash more dishes till the drain is empty. He kicks his shoes off all over the living room floor & says he can't have them in his room because his rabbit will chew on them. He has a Flemish Giant he lets roam loose. When we got the rabbit, it was supposed to live in a kennel and be let loose daily but he didn't like that. And I buy all the feed for the damn thing but he gets mad if I remind him to get it fresh grass daily.

In his defense, he grew up in foster care because of abuse by my ex-husband. But when I left him, the state still wouldn't let me have my sons saying I couldn't afford to take care of them by myself. By the time I was able to convince a judge I could support them, my younger son had 3 months left of high school but he was 18 so he chose to leave the system early. Judge wanted me to wait until he graduated, at which point he would no longer have been in the system. Messed up ain't it? So he never had a job in high school and then I got him to go to college but he had tons of trouble with classes, so again no job. He's 20 and never had a job and can't find one because there are so few available here and plenty of people who have work experience wanting those jobs.

People criticize me for the number of cats I have but they don't care that most of them were abused or have some form of disability, ex partially blind, or that they were orphaned young and bonded with me as momma. I can't give up an animal that has bonded with me, or one that was abused & I taught it to trust people again, I feel that would be wrong. And forget trying to find a home for a disabled animal, shelters kill them first when they get too crowded. I am willing to go without new clothes, instead shopping thrift stores, to provide for these animals. Unlike the people I know, they never criticize me and they love me unconditionally. Although it gets a little crowded in bed in winter when they all want to snuggle, it's why I have a full size bed. Me and 7 cats sharing and some even like to get under the covers & keep my toes warm, lol.

Just wanted to say thanks for understanding and letting me vent.

[Bashan]

Learning to say no was one of the hardest things for me to learn to do. I was about 40 when it happened. And it happened quickly, literally overnight, and caught all the users off guard. A lot of it was my chiropractic practice. Can you fill out this form, it's nothing to do with a lawyer? Can you treat me till I'm back on my feet and then I'll pay you? I know you don't take auto accidents but if you'll just treat me I won't use a lawyer?

I used to try to accommodate folks but one day I just had it and just started saying "No" without an explanation. The first time I did I, it felt so good I was itching for the next one to happen. And the neighbors, can I borrow your lawn mower? No, I don't loan my stuff out. There's one guy I know that if I ask him to help me with something he drops what he's doing and comes over. I do the same for him. Other than that.....nobody. It's funny how the losers just fade away when they see they can't use you anymore. My circle of friends started shrinking rapidly when I refused to help people that made it a one way street. And all of the losers in my practice disappeared too....nice. What's funny is the jerks that actually act mad when they can't use you anymore. Just say no and don't feel guilty about it, they're not worth it. Tell your brother family doesn't treat family like that. If he wants to be family make him pay you what he owes and start acting like a brother. Otherwise....ta ta. Rich

[genseeker]

The only reason I haven't bugged my bro for the money he owes me is when his boss found out about the cancer, he was let go, unfortunately he was still in a temp-to-hire status so nothing he could do. All told he is supporting 6 kids; 2 are his & wife's, 2 are his w/ ex-gf, & 2 are wife from prior marriage where the ex is deadbeat & won't pay the child support yet won't sign his rights over to my bro either. I hate the guy simply because he pops in & out of the kids life any time he feels like it & they can't do nothing cause of the way the custody order was done when she divorced. Judges in this county care more for rights of deadbeat dads than men who marry the mom & want to be the dad in every way, even legally. My bro is the only REAL dad either those kids have known but if something was to happen to her, courts would make my bro give the kids to the deadbeat. He shows up maybe 1x month, if that & then only wants to take his son. My bro has been working temp jobs that barely keep a roof over their heads. They can't get food stamps for the 2 w/ the deadbeat dad because DSS says my bro ain't supporting them, even though deadbeat is about 5K behind in support (that's about 3 yrs worth). Deadbeat only pays enough to stay outta jail, & the support worker won't help. And neither my bro nor his wife can afford atty to sue deadbeat for her to have sole custody & terminate hos rights so my bro can legally adopt.

Like I told him though when I found out, if it'd been anybody else, I'd been filing a police report cause we have a written agreement. Plus, I know that when he can afford it, he will be back around & he will eventually pay me. I went through this with him 1x before & it took him a couple years but he paid me everything he owed, plus he figured interest & paid that.

The dr is telling him he has liver failure & lung cancer, mostly from jobs he's had in the past. He's worked really dusty conditions, like roofing & insulation work. He's had to take a wide variety of meds and dr thinks that's what damaged his liver. Found out from my younger sis that he's not really talking to anyone much right now. But he's gotten back on at a place he worked in the past, only thing is it's 7 days on/7 days off and it's temp-to-hire. No idea how that will affect his disability application but I told him it looks like lung cancer & liver failure are pretty automatic qualifiers. Dr says at the rate his liver is failing, he has less than 18 mos if he can't get a transplant. That scares me cause he's only 34 right now & he has 2 kids not even in school yet.

My bro also drove a truck over here to try to help me with the old scooter, even though it had a dead tag, needed the front end replaced & tires. He risked getting stopped by cops to come help me, told him he shouldn't have done that. His reply was that no one else was trying to help me. Guess he's just trying to take everything in right now & get a grip on what the dr has told him. Found out he hasn't even talked to our sis in over a week & as for the other 2, well he hasn't talked to them in a couple months. So even though sometimes it's hard to get him to help, at times he has done way more for me than anyone else in my family. If push comes to shove, he'll run an illegal vehicle cross-country to come help me. He's prob the only one in my family I'd be willing to still help.

[genseeker]

Guitarman Forgot to mention, my website in profile is for my page on Archive of Our Own - a website for people to post fan works of all types, including writing, art, etc.

[Bashan]

You know your situation with your brother better than anybody and I'm sorry, I feel I overstepped. I only said that because I went through a similar situation and it still chafes me. You said he rarely calls because you feel he's avoiding you because of the debt. That's what happened to me. If he would have just come to me and told me exactly what was going on and why he couldn't pay me I might have understood. Except, then he bought an expensive entertainment center without paying me. Now that frosted the boys, yep, sure did. Rich

[genseeker]

Didn't overstep, I just got more info after I had posted. He's not been calling anyone cause he hasn't had a phone at all. Our youngest sister got him a cheap tracfone so he can at least call if he needs something but he'll be limited on minutes & I told her to let him know to save those minutes for the dr office & disability atty. They can't get one of those free gov't phones cause someone previously got one at that address. Even with a lease showing who lives there now, the address is not eligible, that sucks too. He's barely making his own bills & I won't take food out of a kid's mouth, no matter how bad I need the money myself. Some days I wish I'd never moved back here & I had stayed in Roanoke VA. At least there I could go to a plasma center 2x week to donate, that'd get me close to $200 extra a month. Right now the only way I can get extra money is viewing websites to determine if they need to be classed as "adult" and that only brings about $1.50 to $2 per hour but I make enough each month to cover my internet and a little more but not enough to effect my disability payments, lol. Last check was a grand total of $79.46 but I put in as much or as little time as I want.

[LUKE]

yesterday honestly i went to your profile and im so sure, no lie i saw ,your gender says MALE, swear to God.
i dunno who and why it has changed now to female. ..hmmm just made me think., and you said you replaced the head gasket and did a top overhaul on your sons friend's car?, a woman mechanic? hmm just not likely to be true..
hmmmm but who am i to judge right.
gender is important, mind you.... uhm and yes, manners too.
Rich, please clarify his or her gender, honest rants from honest people gets honest advices...thank you!

[JR]

I don't know call me hard but I learned this lesson a long time ago and I mean a long time ago. IMO the people that are mooching (and that's what it is) off of you are playing you and taking advantage of you, stories of this problem and that problem.

These kind of people are like beer drinking buddies, got beer got buddies, run out of beer no buddies.

Play the game next time they call to mooch, don't answer the phone and sit back and watch them find another person who falls for their BS. Better yet, say "oh yea I can help .......when you pad my palm with what you owe me now", bet your phone quits ringing.

JR

[genseeker]

Luke, I'm 100% female, don't know why it would have said male at any time. Even in my first post I said I was female. scooterdoc.proboards.com/thread/9713/new-member

As for me being mechanic, my daddy didn't want his daughters getting took to the cleaners if we needed a vehicle worked on so he made sure we learned basic car car, like tuneups. I've always been a tomboy, spent my summers with my grandfather doing construction and restoring antiques. I married a mechanic way back in '91 and we were married for 17 yrs before I called it quits for abuse. But over the years with him, I learned to do more on cars.

Along with regular maintenance, I've replaced starters & alternators & radiators. Thermostats are a piece of cake for me, I've done so many. Rebuilt the front end on a 1984 F150 by myself. My grandpa use to joke that I was "contrary". I hated dresses & girly stuff but loved to follow him around so he humored me. After all, my parents had 2 other girls, the oldest who loved all the frilly stuff. Only time I wore a dress was for church and that was only because I wouldn't disrespect my Poppie, no matter how much I hated dresses. See, he wasn't just my grandpa, he was my pastor too, but them Sunday shoes & socks came off soon as we got in the car & I was always the first one in the house, getting that dress off & back into comfortable clothes, lol.

And I didn't say head gasket, I said both VALVE COVERS & REAR BRAKES. The old valve covers were slightly warped where they'd been dropped or something so it was new chrome valve covers & gaskets but the TBI had to come off first. That was a pain cause of where some of the bolts were located, my hands barely fit and they're small compared to most male mechanics. I'm not good enough to get a job at it but unless it's something major I can keep a car/truck on the road. Never rebuilt an engine or tranny alone but I've helped the ex w/ a 2300 in a Mustang & a Ford Aerostar Automatic tranny.